dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
