I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh god it's open bar.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
