She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
