tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You need a sexual gate keeper
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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