Will you blow on my dice?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
