I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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