he wants to bone in the snuggie
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
third nipple confirmed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
