I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
