Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
