I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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