i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
