Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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