So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
