Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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