they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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