i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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