I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
