can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
