we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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