flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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