The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
