you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
