Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
