Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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