Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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