I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
