Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
