Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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