Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
