its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
