Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
