I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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