Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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