you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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