i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
