umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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