Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
