On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
