he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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