so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
