69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
