I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
