hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
foreskin is a definite game changer
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
