i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
