oh god the rape fog is back!
I faked an abortion last night.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
