Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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