Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
