I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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