The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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