My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
